Friday, 24 September 2010

  • Results

    I went to the doctor today because I somehow got an eye infection. Luckily it's going away on it's own, but that's not the point of this post.

    While they were checking my vitals, of course I was asked to get on the scale, and lo and behold: 192! I haven't been on the scale since I came to school, and I weighed a solid 200 then. So that's 8lbs in a little over 5 weeks. I haven't been applying myself all that much either. I bet I can kick it up a notch if I just get a hold of some self-control.

    Anyhow, I AM sick, so I won't continue.

    Stay Lovely.

Tuesday, 21 September 2010

  • Rules

    Today was a disaster of the worse level. I started off with a binge for breakfast, and it just spiraled out of control. I'm sure I've ingested over 1400 calories and I am not far from a breakdown. I don't know what's wrong with me. I was crying in a heap by 10am, and then I slept for 3 hours straight and could barely get up for class. I hope it's just my period coming around the corner. If I could explain this beast, I could conquer it.

    I'm trying something new starting tomorrow. In addition to my meal plan (Sorry I didn't post mine today... what was the point?), I'm going to do a sort of...swear jar type thing. I need to start saving money anyway, why not compare them.

    So these are my rules:

    I must keep with my diet at least 6 out of the 7 days in the week.

    For Every Day that I:
    Complete or do more than 30 minutes of real exercise OR Eat my planned calories or less.
    I will earn $1 towards doing what I want on my free day.

    For Every Day that I:
    Don't Workout at all OR Eat more than 700 Calories
    I will put an IOU in the fat jar.

    Every IOU can be changed for a $1, but it must be earned by doing double in one day. (60 minutes exercise or less than 300 calories a day)

    I only get one free day a week, though it can be any day of the week. On that free day I can use my saved money to go to Starbucks or buy something nice.
    I can't eat more than 1000 calories on free days, or I lose my free day the next week.

    The Math: I can earn up to $14 dollars a week ($2 a day for doing completing food and exercise goals). Since it only costs me about $4 to go to Starbucks, I'll have about $40 to myself if I am good for an entire month. It will take me twice as much work to earn back $40 if I am not good.

    I think the hardest part of this is probably accountability. It'd be nice to have a buddy for this. Maybe the threat of going broke will help me along.

    Anyhow, you know where to go if you want my full thinspo collection : My Heart.


    Stay Lovely.

Monday, 20 September 2010

  • Things to do

    I've found that carefully planning out my meals the day before help me to keep on track. If I don't know what I'm going to eat, suddenly I'm chomping down two or three times the calories that I intended. So last night I set out a meal plan for the day.

    Intake

    Breakfast:
    [x]Bagel w/Butter and Jam -260
    [x]4oz Black Cherry Cranberry Juice- 65
    BTotal: 325

    Lunch:
    [x]Veggie Sand-which- 225
    [x]4oz A&W Root-beer- 56
    [x]Pickles-0
    LTotal:281

    [x]Snack: Caramel Rice Cake- 50

    Dinner:
    []1/2c Rice
    []Pan-Steamed Veggies-0
    []4oz Root-beer- 56
    DTotal: 291

    Total Intake = 947

    Outtake:

    []30 min Treadmill- (344)
    [x]Campus Walking- (176)

    Total Outtake = 520

    Net Intake= 427 cal

    So far I've been sticking to it. Then again, it's only noon. At the very least though, it gives me something to beat. I can't do fasts because of my medication, so I have to work on getting the most calories in the morning (if I don't have 300 calories by 2pm, it cancels the effects of my medication, making me extremely anxious and depressed.)

    I'm hoping with exercise to work my way down to a net intake of 100 by the end of this month. Hopefully I will keep up with this planned intake thing. Hopefully it works.

    My roomate says I'm looking thinner already. I suspect its because I'm not puffed up and bloated from fast, greasy food. No word yet on my actual weight. I haven't been near a scale in weeks. The only trustworthy one is so far away. I think I'll plan a run to the rec center one day this week and have a weigh in. It'll be good to understand how fat I really am.

    Anyhow, sorry for the long post. If you want thinspo, check out My Heart.

    Stay Lovely.

Sunday, 19 September 2010

Friday, 17 September 2010

  • Drabble.

    Today was an eventful day, but I woke up this morning determined not to end up in a heap of self-loathing. It worked... at least for today.

    The day was full of triggers and mishaps, to say the least. I messed up my eating schedule, and didn't go to the gym, which I wanted to hate myself for. But the truth simply is, that I've been busy. I woke up at the normal time I go workout, and started doing work until it was time for class. I came home, and worked, I went to the store, got home, and worked.

    I have all of this... shit to do, and it's got me so backed up in everything. My room is a mess, I'm behind on homework, I'm missing workouts... the worst part is that I can't decide what I want to cut out and what I need to keep.

    So I try to get as much as I can done, and not dwell on the rest.

    I am proud of my psyche. I saw a massive, massive trigger today, while out shopping with my friend. I almost lost it right there, but I managed to keep myself together long enough to push the thoughts out of my mind. I wish I could be this stable all the time.

    I guess it helps that my roomate (who I have only known for a total of 3 weeks) says I look thinner. It's a great feeling. I have to keep it up, no matter what.

    Perhaps I'll do a less scatterbrained update later today, but I just needed to tell this to the universe.

    My Heart has been updated. I add around 75-100 new things to it per post, so, there's always new stuff... I hope everyone has a great day, stay strong.


    Stay Lovely.

excruciatingperfection

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    • Name: Erin
    • Gender: Female
    • Member Since: 12/5/2009

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